His eyes
by Jasmin Kaiba
Summary: Just a bit of sappy Azureshipping!


_**H**__**IS **__**E**__**YES**_

_**By Jasmin Kaiba**_

I don't know if I should really be the one to talk, but, as strange as it seems, I do know him the best. I mean, I see all sides of him, there are many, and I love and accept them all.

I have no problems with his cold behavior of times, even towards me, because I know that he doesn't mean it the way he says it. He's a strange man, he always was, but that is just a part of his magnificiant personality, and I seem to depend so much on him that it sometimes scares me.

I have no problems with that either, and neither does he.

He has gone through so much in his life that he's allowed to change his moods whenever he wants. I know that if I had to live through as much as he did that I would have gone insane a long time ago. There are people who say that he's crazy, that he's out of his mind, and I want to strangle all those who even think of thinking that.

I have come so far in my admiration and love for him that I would kill for his benefit without a wink of hesitation. But what is a girl to do when she has found that certain someone who is her soul-mate? I don't want to lose him, I don't think I'd live through that pain again. You see, when you lose a person who is the reason you're the way you are, who is the reason you live to see the next day, something seems to snap inside of you and everything becomes meaningless. You don't want to live anymore, because you see no reason to. You don't think of your family or your friends, you only think of the emptiness your life would be without that person and you don't want to live it. I should know, I have lived through that kind of pain and emptiness a couple of times, one more time and I will certanly die.

The first time I felt that pain was at the tender age of eight as my mother died giving birth to my sister. I thought that I would go insane without my mother. But I had my sister to think of and my father, who has only lived through mother's death because of his two daughters.

I was fourteen as the fate punched me again in the face. My little sister, who has been weak and sickly, from the moment of her birth, died from a weak heart. She was six and I almost lost my mind that time. I was able to come through because I knew that my father needed me more then ever.

The next blow came as I was seventeen. And I'm sure that if it hadn't been for him, that I wouldn't have lived.

But now I have nothing but him and if I lost him I wouldn't have a reason to live, I would die with him.

Sometimes I am so scared of losing him that I do whatever he wants without as much as a question why, I eat my pride and bear his light insults with a smile. That is mostly when he sees that something is wrong with me and that no amount of taunting and teasing would set it right. That is also when he turns completely serious, forces me to sit and tell him what is wrong. He wouldn't let me go until I told him. The first time this happened we have sat the night through and after crying in his chest for almost half the night I have spilled the beans and told him of my fears. I have thought that he would shrug it off and tell me that I'm crazy for keeping him up all night long because of my weak emotions.

Oh, have I ever been wrong! He had held me a bit tighter in his arms and told me that he couldn't say that he'll always be there and that there was no reason to have those fears, because we can never know if we'll wake up alive and healthy the next morning, but that he'll do his best to be there when I need him and that he would try to soothe my fears the best way he can. Then he said that it would take his death to separate him from me and I started sobbing againg, telling him that I would menage to live if he left me, just knowing that he's alive and happy somewhere, but that I would most definitly die with him should God take him from me, then a world without him in it, has no place for me.

I had looked in his eyes that time and have seen tears that he refused to let fall down and I have wrapped my arms around him, encouraging him, saying that it was alright to cry. We have both cried that night, or better early in the morning, and become incredibly close after that.

When those fears choose to resurface, he knows immediately what is bothering me and comforts me.

When I look in his eyes I see so much, many things I can put a name to, but a bunch of things I just couldn't place, too.

I see his joy, his happiness, his sadness, his fears, his love, even heatred and rage in those icey orbs of his and I know how to deal with those emotions. But sometimes his eyes get an distant look in them that eventually becomes empty and so cold that it scares the shit out of me. I was never afraid of him, but I'm afraid of that look in his eyes because I don't know what he sees when they turn that way. And even if he looks at me in those moments, I know that he doesn't see me, but someone, something else. Those looks go as fast as they come, but they still menage to give me nightmares.

I'm an open person and I try to get him to open up more. I always achieve partial success, because he just always has something to hide from me, something that hurts too much to even remember, not to mention talk about. Sometimes when I catch his looks of loneliness and desparation and longing I try to ask about that. But the looks disappears as soon as I get into his line of sight and if I do ask he looks funny at me and says "Nothing," as if I have suddenly gone crazy to ask him such things.

Sometimes, after we had been out alone together or with our friends, and came back home to sit and watch a movie or read or something, he looks at me in a strange way, but I never question him. Sometimes after we had been intimate he asks me how I can love him as much as I do, and I counter asking him how it is that he never understands that. Then he would look away and be quite for some time, before turning his gaze again on me and deciding that making love was a better way of showing me how he feels, then trying to put it in words.

He is not a complicated person once you get to know him on a certain level, but getting to know him is the complicated task. We've been together for some years and before we'd been some strange kind of friends, but I never know everything about him. I mean I can list so many things about him, his behaviour, his personality, and yet I never come to see or know such things about him. But I suppose that it is only natural, even when you are in love. I know that he doesn't know nor understand a lot of things about me too, but that is alright, because we can never know each other completely, nor understand.

We just cannot live each other's life, and that is okay.

I know that he loves me, he tells me often enough, and even if he doesn't I can see it in his eyes. He knows that I love him. We know that we need each other in order to survive.

And if someday our pasts and our sins come to haunt us, we will know that we'll be okay as long as we are together and have each other.

We are both neither completely good nor completely evil, but we are opposites of each other and we complete the other, so it's okay if we argue once in a while along our path, which we go together, hand in hand.

His eyes are what I fell in love with, and as long as they shine upon my soul with his life and love, I know that I'll be alright, no matter what.

**THE END**


End file.
